Teaching- completing the first circle of TT

So, I did it! I taught my first class on July 1, 2009 at the 8:00am at Bikram Yoga Harvard Square. While the entire experience was a bit of a blur, I did in fact teach a class using the dialogue that I learned at TT. My class was 10 minutes short and the Spine Strengthening Series was a bit shaky (that's what happens when you cram a posture in your head and spit it out in the same day, I guess) but everyone survived and I even got a round of applause at the end of class :)

Teaching is an incredible experience and a never ending process. My studio has been incredible about transitioning into teaching from TT by planting an instructor in all of my early classes to give me feedback. It's a bit like feedback in Posture Clinic and it's incredibly helpful. While I feel like I'm doing really well with teaching, there is always room for improvement. For example, the dialogue. You would think that after spending 9 weeks immersed in Bikram Yoga I would have that dialogue down pat, wouldn't you? Well, sometimes I do and sometimes I forget things, but guess what? I just go back through the dialogue and look at the postures where I forgot stuff and refresh it. Some great advice was to take a posture a day and just say it verbatim, just to get that one in there and then go to the next one. It's really working! My classes are getting longer because I am saying more and more dialogue (and more, and more, and more) and now I'm even looking at the additional dialogue and left side dialogue and putting bits and pieces in at a time. There is constant tinkering to be done and it is amazing.

Right now I'm working at my job four days and teaching four classes a week. It's a lot, but since teaching really doesn't feel like work, I'm truly enjoying every minute of it and feeling like I'm getting everything out of every second of every day! The schedule is a bit tough with being a mom, but I'm hoping to further reduce my hours at work until I can get a studio open- which could happen in the next year or so since the Franchise agreement is now complete and we can start applying to open schools again. I won't discuss the details of the agreement on this blog, but there are some pretty hefty monetary requirements for opening a school and becoming part of the franchise, so keeping my day job can really help me achieve my long-term goal of being a Bikram Yoga studio owner.

In short- the process works! Most of us didn't think we could really teach a 90 minute Bikram Yoga class, but through our hard work and dedication to the process we all have proof that it works!

I hope everyone has enjoyed my blog, I'm not sure if I'll keep up with it or start another on teaching, but for now, Namaste and LOCK THE KNEE!

Week Nine- Feeling Fine (Sort of)

It will be tough to re-cap Week 9 in retrospect, but I'm going to try to do my best. I've seen so many TT blogs that end at Week 8, and now I know why. The 9th Week goes quickly and then you're home with all your responsibilities, getting ready to teach your first class, etc. So, here it goes.

The week was TOUGH. They initially told us "not to worry about the last week" that it would be a "party week", which was complete and utter nonsense, of course. It was brutal. Bikram was in town all week, Craig Villani came to teach a slew of classes and give lectures and there were many late nights. As in every single night was a late night. One of them went until 5:45 am. Yes, you heard me, 5:45am. I'm sure you know the reason, right? You guessed it, Mahabharata. The poorly dubbed, dreadfully special effected mess- the Mahabharata. During one lecture, Bikram mentioned that he'd spoken to George Lucas about remaking it. I wish to God he would. To say this film is poorly made is the understatement of the millennium. It's a joke. A terrible, miserable, cruel and unfair joke. Basically, TT ended essentially the way it started- with hard classes by Senior Teachers (Emmy, Raj, Craig, Bikram and our poor little, tired, weary bodies were all but busted by then) and late night movies. Party ON!

The bright spot in the week for me was that my family had arrived the Saturday of Week 8. With my family there, nothing could really hurt me anymore. Having Sadie and Max here was amazing. Max took two classes with Bikram, including our last class on Friday night. What an emotional class that was. The energy was amazing. People were crying, laughing, bouncing off the walls and really grasping that this was our last class together. The last time these 320 people would struggle a little harder together. Bikram delivered us an amazing, high-energy class that left many of us missing him already when he walked out of that room. Some might call it the Stockholm Syndrome, but although throughout our 9 Weeks we may have questioned him from time to time, at that moment- we knew it was all for a reason, even if we didn't know fully realize what that reason was yet. How we knew, I can't tell you, but I know that from my hair to my toes I knew, I believed, and I trusted this process.

Friday night we had our talent show and it was incredible. Perhaps it was that our sole entertainment for 9 weeks was Indian films, but I would have sworn to you that this talent show was the most entertaining thing I'd seen in years. Everything from the acts to the Emcees were just wonderful. The finale was a Bollywood dance number. We were all on our feet. The Singing, Dancing, Poetry, Comedy Sketches, Heart Dances...all of it completely and totally mesmerizing.

The next day was an optional 8am yoga class (I opted NOT to go) followed by primping and prepping for graduation. As the day got closer to 2:30, I really started to get it- this thing was over, Spring TT 2009 was OVER and we had done it! The graduation ceremony was excruciatingly long and there was no group dinner as planned , but we were all radiant that night. Our families there to support us and see us collect that certificate from Bikram, take pictures and tell us how proud they were of us. It was an amazing moment. I had to laugh when Max kept looking at me and saying "this is LONG"- yeah? You think this is long? This is every lecture we've had, every movie we've sat through, every posture clinic we've endured. Graduation was a perfect looking glass into the exercise in patience that is Teacher Training.

That night, Sadie, Max and I went out to dinner together. No more yogis, no more posture clinic or lecture to rush back to. I felt out of place. What will I do with all this new found freedom? Apparently, I will go to Olive Garden with my family :)

Sunday, we packed up the Condo and headed to L.A. It was blazing hot. I was ready to leave, but was feeling so strange. This was where I lived for 2 months. Many times, I felt like I would be there forever, but just like a mirage in the desert, Teacher Training was vanishing on the horizon. I still feel like it was a dream, the only proof I have that I was there are the friends that I made, the dialogue that I learned and the change that happened within me. It's hard to put a finger on it, but this experience has changed something inside me.

They told us over and over how much we would miss this experience. And I do. I miss it. I'm happy to be home with my family, but TT is something that lives in a certain time and space forever. The experience never leaves you, it just never ever manifests on the physical plane again. Never again will you be with those same people in that same room working towards the same goal. You just have to look at your pictures and remind yourself that yes, this transformational experience did happen to you, you are forever changed...and you would do it again in a heartbeat.

For all of you who plan to go to Teacher Training eventually (or in the future), enjoy every minute. It will never happen again.

Namaste.

Week Eight- Feelin' Great!

What a week! We finished with dialogue on Thursday and you have never seen 320 people's mood shift so dramatically in all your life! It was sad to bid farewell to posture clinic in a way (Group 5- Touch It!), but so wonderful to be done with the stress of memorizing dialogue. The reality is that we will be studying this dialogue for many months and years to come, but at least we've said them all once (first set, right sides) and now it's just keeping ourselves familiar with it everyday. We're going to be teachers. What an incredible feeling!

Bikram was with us this week Tuesday and Wednesday and kept us up late both nights (2am and 4:30am respectively). We had two great lectures, one tough class and one loooooong night of the Mahabarata. He did mention that we were going to watch the Bhagavad Gita portion during the day, which made me really happy. A. Because it's really the one part I wanted to see and B. I will be able to see it because it won't be in the middle of the night! Yay for that! Other than that, we had a great lecture with Lynn, got to hear all of our staff's first teaching experiences and another beautiful meditation with Manali.

I can't believe it's ending, it's so bittersweet. I am so excited to teach this yoga. Like so excited! I got an email from two studio owners offering me classes, so I should know when my first class is early next week. I will really remember this experience for the rest of my life. I can't say that I navigated everything gracefully, in fact, there were some moments I'm not particularly proud of in terms of my reaction to how difficult this training was. On the other hand, I got to know my stock reaction to how I get when things are difficult, how I immediately go from frustration to anger and how underneath all that is just not getting my way, not being in control and to just let it go.

Sadie and Max are arriving any second. I have my family here for the last week. Just 11 more classes, some lectures, a talent show and then graduation. Spring 2009 Bikram Yoga Teacher Training is coming to an end.

What a ride.

Mid Week 8 Check-In

So, I should totally be studying the last TWO postures that we have left to deliver (Head to Knee with Stretching and Spine Twisting), but I thought it noteworthy to do a little reporting on the week thus far.

Some drama went down in our Posture Clinic yesterday between a member of my group and the lead that was pretty uncomfortable. They got into a confrontation that definitely escalated due to lack of sleep, abundance of pressure, etc. Unfortunately, it then got reported to a senior staff member and we got a talking to. Boy, was it fun! In defense of my group member, he was just making a joke (albeit crude) and "keeping it light" has really been helping him to remember and deliver his dialogue. He stepped over the line, but the attitude that he got back in return was off the wall. This person was re-joining us after being away for 5 weeks, so he has no idea how much this person has struggled and, as a result of our group's bonding, how much progress he's made. I'm really hoping that this little bump in the road doesn't derail that progress.

Bikram says that he doesn't want to start his lectures until we are done with the dialogue, so we've really been operating at breakneck speed. I delivered two yesterday and am on pace to deliver two again today. Crazy. After that only ONE more posture left! Yay, no more studying on the weekends! Hopefully this means we will be avoiding movies until after we finish dialogue. I can handle one or two more, but not a whole week of them :)

My daughter and husband arrive Saturday and I cannot WAIT! OMG, I can't wait to hug my little baby (who isn't so little anymore, but she's my baby, dammit!) and spend some time with them since I won't be studying dialogue- woohoo!

Another item I wanted to report was that today after class, while laying in Savasana I heard a pretty loud voice that seemed oblivious to the fact that others were still enjoying their final resting pose. When I removed the towel from my eyes I realized that, not only was it the teacher who had just taught the class, but that she was on HER CELL PHONE. This after a telling us to have respect for this yoga and not to leave the class, only drink when Bikram says it's OK, etc. Wow. Just wow.

Week Seven- you have to go through Hell before you get to Heaven

Tough week.

Physically: I am exhausted. The two classes a day have started to mount up and have left me with a body that doesn't particularly want to move anymore. My postures are basically a complete joke at this point. Strength is there most of the time, flexibility? Not so much. I have heard that you should never compare your TT practice to your home practice, but it's hard not to expect to make some advances in postures doing this much yoga. I'm here to tell ya- it ain't happenin'. Plus, even though we weren't kept up past midnight all week, I'm still feeling like I could sleep for 24 hours straight and then wake up and eat for 24 hours straight. We did have some amazing classes/teachers this week (I keep track of all our teachers on my Facebook Bikram Yoga Calendar, if you are interested) and I really did try my best to work hard for them. Sometimes I get the second wind and sometimes I'm just coasting on the first one or one from the day before :)

Mentally: As previously mentioned, I usually don't fare all that well when I'm exhausted. I struggled a lot this week with staying present in lectures, judging the content of the lectures, etc. Rajashree went through the postures and talked about Yoga Therapy, which was great, I wish we had dedicated more time to lectures like this. She ran out of time and had to group all the floor postures together (no questions), which was a real bummer. Next we had Ann Marie Benstrom, who talked about Chakras and a little bit about nutrition. She was great, but I have a hard time when people start talking about their opinions about things when they have no actual experience with. I tend to respect someone's opinion when they've actually gone through it and talk about their first hand knowledge rather than theories. I actually had to walk out and take a breather because I was getting so annoyed. Of course when I returned she led us through an amazing meditation (Kriya) which seemingly melted all my anger and led into a 30 minute pre-class cry on the phone with Max and with two of our wonderful staff members. Which leads me to...

Emotionally: First off, I was missing Sadie ALL WEEK LONG. From Monday on, I started staring longingly at photos of her, then I started showing them to anyone who would look. Let's just say, I think I am under some hormonal influences as well, and my week ended in tears. Ultimately though, I find that my pattern is that I will get annoyed and even when I express it- if I don't let it go it just builds, and builds, and builds. Finally when I decide to let it go, it is usually done with tears. I'm trying not to judge it, it is what it is...I just wish I was better at letting things go before they build up to the point where I'm a miserable asshole. Make sense? Yeah. uh huh, sure it does. Anyway, more important lessons being learned here at Yoga Bootcamp.

Posture Clinics went well this week. I feel like I am really coming into my own these days. I've dropped the Drill Sargent delivery since we got on the floor postures and it's feeling REALLY good delivering dialogue lately. It's coming out so fluidly and I really feel like I'm teaching. I'm so excited to teach this yoga! Sometimes I worry about the first class, but I am fully on board with process trusting when they say that we'll all be fine. It might not be pretty, but better to get the first one out of the way immediately. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. Only 5 more postures to deliver! I'm sad though because I love my Posture Clinic group. We are a bunch of nutballs, it's so perfect. Other groups don't really get into our vibe (we were actually "shushed" this week by another group), but we're having a fantastic time and we love and support eachother so much. I think we may be known as the "Crazy Group"? Oh well. Touch it.

Ultimately, though, tough week and all- it was and is still amazing. I get these intense flashes sometimes during class or in lecture or posture clinic where I just have this realization- "I'm actually HERE", it's so dream-like sometimes, it almost doesn't even seem real. I force myself to freeze moments in my mind and tell myself "remember this" when it just feels so right and so good. This morning, for example, seeing 300 people turned towards me in Final Spinal, I look at all their faces, see their sweat, feel their struggle. Their struggle is my struggle, none of us is alone here. This experience really and truly is opening my mind to concepts and parts of myself that I never acknowledge, never visit, never nurture. That's what we do here. We peer into ourselves and see ourselves for who we truly are. Without jobs and degrees and associations and baggage. We get to look into the Cosmic mirror and ask who am I? Why am I here? Sure, those deep questions get asked and answered here.

I am at Bikram Yoga Teacher Training and it's everything I ever hoped it would be...and more.

Week Six- In the Mix

We keep hearing things like "you're in the blender right now, just wait until it's over to figure it all out" and that is how it feels these days. We are defnitely in the rabbit hole of this Teacher Training, but we're coasting towards the finish and as the end draws more near, the more we don't want it to end. Even the movies :)

It is truly amazing what happens when you let go of expectations and judgment. After my epiphany last week, I've really given myself over to "the process" and things are becoming clearer and clearer as we go. Every time I have a bit of resistance and face it head on I get to another level of understanding. This training is very "wax on, wax off". The cranky old Mr. Miagi keeps telling us to paint the fence, when we want to learn Karate to kick that blonde jerk's ass. Come on Mr. Miagi, teach me Karate! I don't want to wax your car, I want you to teach me how to whoop some ass! Just like in the movie, we ARE being taught here via simple things that seem unrelated and unnecessary and downright stupid. It's all beginning to shift into shape, slowly but surely. I am amazed and in awe of it.

This week we had some lectures with Rajashree's teacher, Dr. P.S. Das. He came to speak on Yoga Therapy and was very sweet and has a VERY thick accent. I was following most of what he was saying, but sometimes had a tough time (I heard, "the whole world comes from lettuce", when, in fact, he was saying "the whole world comes from ladies"- meaning the female principle, LOL). He also took a lecture on Urology and ended up talking about God. I dunno, but he did have some excellent information for us for the most part. He always seemed to wrap up his lectures with a spiritual message, and that was really nice.

We also kicked into high gear this week with Posture Clinic, sometimes doing 6+ hours a day between both the afternoon and evening lecture slots. This means that we have finished the Standing Series! I delivered 6 postures this week (Standing Seperate Leg Stretching, Triangle, Standing Seperate Leg Head to Knee, Tree, Toe Stand, Wind Removing and Cobra- Phew!) and all went pretty good. I definitely got better and better as the week progressed and I ended on a really high note yesterday with Cobra. Last weekend I got 4 postures ahead and this weekend I'll need to at least finish the Spine Strengthening Series to feel prepared for the week ahead. Apparently we were "behind" with the dialogue, so they needed to kick it into gear this week, but honestly, I think this is just what they do with every group. The first few weeks you are doing a posture every other day because you are only have PC in the afternoon, or after a lecture or at night for a few hours. If they really needed us to get it done by a certain day they could start PC earlier, or schedule the lectures for later in the TT, but this whole experience is about testing us, seeing where our breaking point is and how we handle it. The only way we can be rebuilt is by dismantling us and that is the goal of this training.

My PC group is an absolutely blast, though and I love all of them. You have never seen such a rambunctious group of people in your life. We have had some hilarious stuff go down this week, bloopers, drama, refusals, laughter, hilarity, etc. We have one member of our group who consistently cracks us all up and comes up with some stuff that has us all rolling on the floor, grasping at our stomachs. Ultimately though we are all really supportive of eachother and are just trying to have a great time. We are extremely punchy from lack of sleep and loopy from hours of yoga and lectures and sitting. This makes for some moments that are so funny you laugh until your side hurts, even when you realize it really isn't all that funny. Make sense? No? It will when/if you have ever been to TT.

So, as a result of how busy we are, I decided that Sadie is going to come out at the end with Max. Honestly, it's better for everyone. I get to dedicate all my time to memorizing the dialogue, Sadie gets to stay in familiar surroundings and I get a huge treat at the end when I get to see them BOTH when we are done with dialogue and might have a moment to spend with them.

I'm starting to get this feeling every week around Thursday or Friday, a little twinge of sadness that this is going to end. I already feel like an entirely different person than when I came here 6 weeks ago. I can't put my finger on how or why or when it happened, but I feel forever changed by this experience and even though I know it has to end, I'm still sad about it. My plan is to stay present for every last moment of it, to soak all of it in, to go beyond the boundary line and to let all of what I am learning here settle in more and more over time.

Week 7, here I come!

Week Five- I'm still alive!

Moreso than ever, I might add :)

It's been another rollercoaster of a week. In fact, the progression of the weeks here are very similar to a regular work week back home. Mondays I'm too tired to really know what is going on, Tuesday I start thinking "there is no way I am going to make it through this week", Wednesday you feel a glimmer of hope- hump day and all, Thursday you are convinced you CAN do it, Friday you tell yourself "just four/three/two/one more class until the weekend" and Saturday you crawl into that yoga room and just pray you'll make it 90 minutes and then you're FREE!

What I want to talk about this week is trusting the process. We hear that a lot here and sometimes you want to scream back "F*ck the process!", but the truth is that it's about surrender and acceptance.

Thursday night we finished up our lecture with Jon Burras (The Facia Guy) and then proceeded to have a little intro session with the senior teachers. Mike Harris told us his story and asked if anyone else had come to the training after serious medical issues. Well, of course, I had to stand up and tell my story. I was shaking and nervous to share with the whole group, but I did. After I told what I'd gone through, Mike asked "so how did the yoga help?" and I shared about how even though I don't have a thyroid governing my metabolism I don't suffer from any Hypothyroid symptoms like weight gain, lethargy, hair loss, etc. like other ThyCa patients. I almost realized it as I was saying it...this yoga truly is bringing my body back into balance after my health crisis and of course I should be sharing that with these people who will one day have students like me! After that we heard from Joseph and Ester, both truly inspiring stories and such lovely people. I wept for their pain and celebrated their joy of how this yoga turned their lives around. We all have a story.

After the stories, Manali- who is Birkam's assistant, came up and led an AMAZING meditation. I am not exaggerating when I say I literally FLOATED out of the room. Before she started she told us that she could tell some of us were still holding onto things. Negativity, judgement, hatred and to just let it go. I have no idea what she was chanting, but after she was done I felt completely transformed. I let it go. All of it. My judgement of this process, of Bikram, of my fellow trainees- ALL OF IT. It evaporated into thin air and I haven't seen it since.

This brings me to trusting the process and our NEED to understand what we are doing and why we are doing it and letting go of all that to just enjoy and be present. Not just here at Yoga Bootcamp, but back home with our families and friends and with our future students. We are learning experientially how to become, and step into, the highest expression of who we are and it is completely earth shattering to watch. To feel myself opening up and letting go of when we need to be somewhere and how long a break we have and "will Bikram show a movie?"...all of it is inconsequential. How we react to these things is a parallel to how we react in our lives, just like how we react to postures we hate in class, the heat, the teacher we think sucks, etc. etc.

So, even when you don't want to- trust the process. Trust that your higher power has a plan and your best and highest good in mind at all times. Trust that your fellow man is there to support you and not to bring you down. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.

There has been some INCREDIBLE energy (off the charts) this week. Happiest memories are of the wave before movie night on Wednesday, running down the halls with my crazy PC Group (Group 5- we are like 5 year olds on ritalin!) and the groans as one Mahabharata episode after another kept us in that lecture tent until 3am- best moment that night was when a fellow trainee was all ready to go, in position, pillows in hand, hoodie on head and yet another episode started and he just slunk back to his seat, or when another trainee was in the same mode just an episode later and when he saw it wasn't over yet shouted "you have to be f*cking kidding me!" and threw his stuff back in his little corner where he was trying to sleep. Pure comedy!

So, Week 5 is over. I made it. I'm still alive. In fact, I'm vibrantly alive!

Halfway There!

Amazing ups and downs so far this week. Everything from "do I want to be here?" to "I don't ever want to leave here" and everything in between. Day to day, the rollercoaster continues!

Bikram is back and still playing late night movies and Emmy is back and teaching our morning classes and giving amazing posture clinics in the afternoon. She is a truly amazing woman and I love the emphasis she puts on the absolute correct alignment. Her favorite word is "precision" and she likes to yell it at us while trying to get us into postures. I love how sometimes she just sounds completely exasperated with us, "eh, that was terrible, just come up". It's hillarious. Her wealth of knowlege really comes out in her lectures. She was evaluating Triangles today and it's just so helpful to see all the bodies and hear her corrections. Yesterday I went up to get some help with my Standing Stretching Forehead to Knee pose, which after 7 years STILL sucks. Anything forehead to knee is very hard for me because my lumbar spine doesn't round. That means, Standing Forehead to Knee (everything but the forehead to my knee is easy), Standing Stretching Forehead to Knee, Rabbit, Stretching Forehead to Knee...blah on all of it :)

Last night after Bikram asked us if we wanted Posture Clinic or a Lecture and everyone shouted "Lecture!" and he goes "What the f*ck is wrong with you people? You want to hear my bullsh*t again?", hahahaha. Anyway, we were told to show up at 9:30 for lecture, but when we got to the lecture tent, Lynn told us that we were going to do Posture Clinic instead and to be back at 11:30. Then she said "Group 5, you guys are rockstars, you are all done with your Standing Bow, so you stay in the tent and listen to Groups 15 & 16 do theirs", I am in Group 5 (I am taking a bow now) so that's what we did. Sat there while the other two groups finished up Bow and then there was a little time at the end so both Allie and I got up and did our Balancing Sticks and rocked it! I am starting to not personalize the comments from PC leads anymore. The lead last night was all upset because I took a big exhale after the set up (I had to, I started to quickly and needed a big, deep breath) but honestly, I did really well and she was just kind of a b*tch. Oh well. EVERYONE came up to me afterwards and was saying "don't listen to her" so I decided to take in what she said that was positive and let go of the rest of her commentary :) Then, after PC they told us Bikram changed his mind about the movie and to go home! Happy Yogis everywhere!

Also, last night, Norm and Louise took Allie and I out to an amazing dinner! It was so nice to have the loving support from home and my mood really started to turn around. I start to think I'm going nuts here, but having someone from home here reminded me of how long and how badly I have wanted to be here and how it's all going to be worth it in the end. Yay for Norm and Louise!

Class tonight with Bikram was nice, but it was TWO HOURS, so I have to get ready to head back for lecture at 9:30. Since I've done Balancing Stick, I don't think I'll get to Standing Seperate Leg Stretching until tomorrow at the earliest. I've got both that and Triangle sort of ready to go, but I need to move forward to Tree and Toe. I was told we won't do Savasana or Sit-Up, so this weekend I'd like to get Cobra, too. It's nice to have a few going at once so I don't feel completely overwhelmed. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep that up?

Sadie will be here at the end of next week!!! I'm so excited to see her, but a little nervous about having her here since this environment leaves me no time at all for her. I have to study dialogue and our day is realllllly long. Hopefully, things will begin to wind down a bit in Week 8 and definitely by the time Max gets here. Wow. It's really going end that soon. I don't know whether to be happy or sad about it right now :)

Week Four- Shut the Door

It will hereby be known as the PMS week. LOL. Anyway, I made it and that's what's important :) As I sit here after our 8am class, fed, relaxed and happy I have a different perspective than I did during the week. Man, my last post was MEAN, but just like everything and everyone I judge here at TT I see the other side in a matter of days, hours, minutes or even seconds. As a matter of fact, that visiting teacher was in my Posture Clinic and gave me my feedback for my Standing Bow not even one day later (it went really well, btw). It's really and truly an amazing thing and I don't really know why it's like that here, but it is. You can count on it. The person that irritated you one day is your savior the next. It's truly an incredible thing.

So, in addition to presenting three postures this week in posture clinic (Eagle, Standing Head to Knee and Standing Bow), we had three late night movie nights, so when they let us out of posture clinic last night at 10pm (a whole hour early!) you'd think everyone in that room just won the freaking lottery. It's the little things that get us through here. Since I sleep through the movies, I did pretty well this week. I end up getting 6-7 hours of sleep a night, which for me isn't a lot, but I still feel pretty great. The yoga is our gas station and most of us are running on fumes and need a refill :)

The visiting teachers have been amazing. We've had Ulises from Mexico, Lisa from San Antonio (Yeehaw sit-ups and MACHINE GUN Triangle), Abby & Dave from Victoria, Heather from Chicago and, of course, my faves Diane and Lynn. I am seriously in LOVE with all of these teachers. They are such inspiring people in so many ways. The instruction that we are getting here is just fantastic, I am going to be so spoiled going home...I LOVE LYNN. Gawd, she is awesome! Plus, practicing in a room with 300 other people struggling, sweating and surviving- AMAZING.

So this weekend I have to study for our second Anatomy test that is going to be a little more challenging since it's on the Respiratory, Digestive, Nervous & Endocrine Systems. Tons of information, so I'm headed to the study group that Mari is doing this afternoon so I know what to study and what not to study. I'm also going to try to get Balancing Stick, Standing Separate Leg Stretching & Triangle at least partially memorized this weekend. I counted the days we have left and it looks like even if we did one posture a day M-F we wouldn't wrap up until the end of Week 8, but there are some that are shorter so I'm sure we'll end up doing two a day or more with Savasana & Sit-Up and some of the floor postures.

I need to take more pictures! I suddenly got this panicked feeling this week, about how fast it's going and soon it will be over and all I will have are memories (and this blog :) to remember it by. Although there are very challenging times here at TT, this whole experience is so amazing. I will miss doing this much yoga for sure and being around all these amazing, experienced teachers with all this incredible knowledge of this yoga. It really is such an incredible opportunity.

Ciao for now.

Things that make you go hmmm...

I don't think TT and PMS are a good pair. Let me just say that right off the bat. I've been plenty irritable this week and, of course, here at TT there are plenty of things to get irritable about.

Monday started off seemingly fine, we had a wonderful morning class with Diane Ducharme. She's a great, great teacher and it's nice to hear a familiar voice at the podium that you know and love and trust. I am really hoping to get mentoring from her when I get back home. It's like we have our very own Posture Clinic lead right in our home town who willingly helps new teachers. You cannot beat that! Anyway, the class was great and I came home and made breakfast and was feeling fine, but as the day progressed I started to feel progressively more nauseous and headachey. I was guzzling water all day, coconut water, citrus fruits, but by 5pm it became clear to me that I was dehydrated. Yippppeeee! I sat out most of the 5pm class and came home for dinner and just felt awful. Luckily, my downstairs neighbor had some Pedialyte on hand and after about a half a bottle of that (blech) I started feeling better. That night I presented Eagle in Posture Clinic and it went fine considering I was all amped up on Pedialyte :)

Yesterday I was feeling better and we had a great class with Lynn in the am, lecture with Dr. T in the (hot as hell) tent when we found out that Bikram was back! I had mixed emotions upon seeing him. Yes, I missed his energy, but his late night lectures? Not so much. I seemed to catch up on my dehydration and was feeling pretty good for most of the day. We had some visiting teachers get up and introduce themselves and one said she was the "grumpy one in the back with her hoodie up" and that after she taught her first class she suddenly understood why they were being kept up all night to watch "Mahabarata". Um...I call bullshit. I'm getting really tired of the visiting teachers telling us about how wonderful this experience was and how it was the best time of their lives, etc. It's so annoying. Sure, now that you are done with it you can look back and say it was valuable and awesome, but I'd like to see you when you were going through it. Honestly, it's something that annoys me to NO END. Stop telling us how awesome it was for you, we don't really care! We are going through it right now, let us have our experience and when we're done we can erase all the late nights from our memories too. Ugh.

Anyway, after our afternoon class with John from the the Williamsburg, NYC studio we were told to be in lecture at 9:30pm. People were actually excited to not have posture clinic. You know, the whole reason we are actually here? To learn the dialogue? Anyway, after a 2.5 hour "lecture" about who knows what (topics ranged from his recent trip to Vegas to talking about the Mahabarata- just put the thing on alredy) he put the movie on. I couldn't tell you one thing about it. I was asleep.

Trust the process.

Week Three- you can't hurt me

Well, now that it's over at least. Week three was more ups and downs and UPS and DOWNS. We started Posture Clinics and Anatomy this week, so the heat is on. No pun intended. I am so glad that I studied the dialogue before I came here! I got up to Triangle (sort of, the last posture I presented at BY Boston was Balancing Stick and I learned Standing Seperated Leg Stretching and Triangle on my own) and I'm really hoping that we don't get past there until after our Anatomy test next Monday. At PC last night one of the leads was telling us that once things start picking up we'll be doing a posture a day. Hopefully we won't have Bikram here keeping us up alllll night long watching movies when that fun day arrives :) I think most groups have gotten through Awkward and are now on Eagle, which I have down solid. This is only 2 postures per week. It's not going to be like this for long.

So, I mentioned that Monday I had a less than exciting PC with Martha and that she taught a VERY long class the following day and I was not feeling it. Well, her class on Thursday night was UNBELIEVABLE. I am now completely in love with her! Ha. It's so funny how you literally change 180 degrees here within moments. She had a lot of poignant musical interludes in her class and this time she put them in our resting poses, so that her class actually ended on time :) At one point, in Full Locust, she started singing "Sweet Caroline" ("hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you!") and we all did the "Ba Ba Ba!"'s, it was unreal. The laughter in that room that night moved me to absolute tears. Thank you, Martha!

Tuesday night's class was taught by Jim and it looks like it's his last class with us. Boo :( I love Jim! It's kind of sad how we get all these amazing teachers here and then they have to go back to their lives and their studios. I get so attached to them! Tuesday night, I had PC with Mike from Chicago, but we were still getting through Backward Bending/Padahastasana, and I didn't get to deliver Awkward. His feedback was awesome. So positive and helpful. Even though I didn't feel ready to deliver Awkward, I had hoped I'd be able to anyway, just to get some feedback from him.

Wednesday night I had PC with Ren and I presented Awkward. I was pretty nervous (they like us to say "excited"- ha!) because I didn't have the posture 100%, but his energy really helped me to just get up there and do it and I was glad I did, he said he really liked it! Phew. I was definitely questioning myself after PC on Monday night, "maybe I'm not going to be any good at this, maybe I should just quit", etc., etc. , but after getting some positive feedback I was up and running again and ready to really do this thing! I already talked about the amazing teachers we had Wednesday. Thank God for them, really!

Thursday we had a great class from Pubali! She took some pictures from the podium and gave Allie and I a little shout out. Thursday was a great day, but that is when my nose started to get a little stuffy. I started throwing EmergenC at it and hoping it would just go away. I'm sure you can guess what happened? Thankfully, the cold didn't really take over until Friday afternoon, so I got to really enjoy PC with Val Thursday night (we STILL didn't get to Eagle and I really, really wanted to get feedback from her because she is AMAZING) and her class Friday morning. She started off the class dedicating it to the women who had left their children for these nine weeks to attend this training. She had me at "hello". By the end of class, while tearfully sharing her inspiring story of her Bikram Yoga journey, and talking about her daughter, I REALLY started to miss Sadie. Bad. I think letting that all out also opened the flood gates for this cold to run its course. With little, to no, defense against anything my body slowly began to succumb to this cold. Needless to say class and PC Friday night and class this morning were pretty miserable. I sat out postures, I left the room, it was bad. I wanted so badly to end the week strong, but I did the absolute best I could!

After class, I came back to the condo, ate some breakfast and passed OUT for two hours solid. I missed the Anatomy study group, which means I'll need to make some flash cards today at some point and get serious about this test on Monday. Blah. I just want to go back to bed! Being sick in a yoga class is really not a lot of fun. I had to really put my ego aside and just do what I can, not push it, sit out when I needed to and take it easy. Hard to do Week Three when I was feeling SO good in the middle of this week.

So, here at Yoga Bootcamp, it's all about ups and downs, ebbs and flows and trusting the process. When it seems impossible to do so, there is always someone there who can bring you up from the depths of despair with a kind word, a "how are you doing?", a hand on your shoulder or a look of sympathy because we all have to go through it in our own way. They use a lot of 12 step slogans here because so many that are attracted to this yoga are in the program. Addicts love routine and ritual and this yoga definitely had those components, but it's good for you! I've heard the following so far:

"Trust the process"
"The only way out is through"
"Don't leave before the miracle happens"

It's pretty cool hearing these familiar slogans. They put a smile on my face and help me to believe that I'm here for a reason.

I'm one-third of the way to being a Bikram Yoga teacher. All the visiting teachers keep throwing out Week 5 as the doozy...you mean I haven't already hit the wall? Sweet. Loving and missing all of you!

Hump Day

Usually around Wednesday is when I start feeling a little bit tired, a little bit homesick and a whole lot DONE. Somehow the Yoga fairies must have known this and decided to give me a great day. Our morning class was taught by Lynn Whitlow. Now, I have to say that Lynn has intimidated me from Day One here at training. She is very matter-of-fact and doesn't really mess around, she has owned four studios in the Bay area is obviously a great businesswoman and loves this yoga. Needless to say, she terrified me. Well, today she taught our morning class and WOW, it was awesome. It probably helped that she opened the door to get some air circulating in the room, but her dialogue was amazing, her delivery strong and directive and her voice so pleasing to the ear. Great, great class. She also stressed the importance of the dialogue with a story about one of her teacher's slip ups in class. I have actually taken class with that teacher before and heard the story, but still laughed heartily nonetheless. For all those who know the story, it's the one about the hands in Half Tortoise...

Next was our lecture with Dr. T. He really is such a great teacher and he loves to start off by loosening us up with jokes. They are mostly corny, but he's such a sweet and genuine guy, I still laugh. Today we reviewed the Muscular System and started talking about the Circulatory System (we covered Skeletal on Monday). This is going to be quite a test! There will be two tests of 50 questions each (100 total combined) and we'll need to get a 65 to pass. Time to make some flash cards!

At the break, I headed to the pool to run through Awkward a few times with Larissa & Iole. I am having a pretty tough time with this posture, so I don't think I'll go tonight in Posture Clinic unless I absolutely have to, and even then, I would wait until the very end of class. Part one is pretty good, part two is getting better...part three...I'd rather just not even talk about it. I had such a hard time with this posture when I was studying it back home to deliver at the Boston studio. Imagine if I hadn't memorized it before? Ugh, I shudder to think!

Our late afternoon class was taught by John Salvatore. I have taken his class in Boston when he visited and I just love him. He is EXACTLY what we needed today. He was positive, funny, motivating and just what the doctor ordered. Also, I was in line 8, by the right side doors and was pretty happy over there. All in all, a great day here at Yoga Bootcamp.

Notice I am blogging and NOT working on Awkward? Hmmm. Better get back to studying. Miss and love you all!

First Posture Clinic

Yesterday we started our Anatomy lectures with Dr. T. and our Posture Clinics. The morning class was taught by Ren, who was a very nice and light way to start our week. Lots of humor, but a nice solid class (amazing what a little sleep will do for your practice!). We started our Anatomy lecture series on the Skeletal system. We sort of went through pages in our books and marked what we need to study for the test. We'll have two tests, 50 questions each, one each week. You need a 70 to pass.

We got kept a while over so it was pretty much a quick phone call home in the A/C and then to sign in for class. We're now doing line rotations, and my group was in line 3. The class last night was so freaking hot. By the floor series I could barely peel myself off my mat. People were leaving left and right, sitting out postures, etc. I definitely came out of a few postures early, it was just so oppressive. They are telling us that in Acapulco they had about 70% humidity almost every day so people were really struggling with Electrolyte balance and that here, in Palm Desert, that we need to be concerned about our fluid intake because the air is so dry it just sucks all the moisture out of our bodies. Great. I've been drinking upwards of 5 Liters a day, plus my liquid electrolytes after each class and I still felt a little parched last night in posture clinic.

Speaking of which, it went OK. It wasn't what I'd hoped. The visiting teacher didn't give me a ton of information. She said she liked the beginning and the end, but the middle sounded like a flight attendant giving the pre-flight announcement. OK...whatever. All I know is that I presented the first day, so now I have a few days to get the first part of Awkward brushed up on and I'll have to use this weekend to scoot ahead to the postures I haven't even touched yet. It's definitely more easy to brush up on postures you've already learned than to learn from scratch. Anyway, the first posture clinic was just sort of "meh", I didn't feel that surge of energy like I did when I presented Half Moon to Bikram and wasn't all excited about teaching this yoga like that day. Oh well. Hopefully, I will have more encouraging feedback as I go along. Blah.

I'm off to class shortly, followed by lecture, followed by another class and followed by posture clinic. At least this week we're getting to bed earlier!

Week Two

Well, Week 2 is done and I can definitely say I'm not sad to see it pass. We've had some pretty brutal tests of mental and physical strengths this week and everyone is getting challenged in their own ways. My challenge is dealing the the sleep deprivation. When I don't sleep I become EXTREMELY irritable and those of you who know me also know that being around me when I'm irritable isn't very fun. Add to this four hours of yoga, 300+ people, a sweltering hot lecture tent (during the day) for 3 hours, a freezing lecture tent (how did they do that?) in the evening for God knows how many hours and tack on sleeping on a concrete floor while a Hindi movie that is supposed to be changing my life is BLARING in my ears and you get one irritated little Yogini. What is crazy about this is that I knew about the movies and the late nights and all the yoga, but nothing prepares you for it when you are smack dab in the middle of it. Nothing. Even though you know that it's a test of your will, that you will survive it and that there has to be a point to it, in the moment you can't for the life of you think of what that point might be. It's tough. Thankfully, Bikram left this week and won't be back until the 18th, so we're movie-free for a week and a half or so- YAY!

We've also finished with Half Moon and start breaking into our Posture Clinic Groups on Monday. We also start Anatomy/Physiology on Monday, so things may start getting kind of crazy around here pretty soon. I'm so happy that I pretty much have up to Triangle right now and I can just brush up on those while we're also doing the Anatomy stuff. Phew! I'm also hoping some of my anatomy that I learned in massage school (many moons ago) might return to my brain? It could happen.

We've had some great lectures this week from Emmy, Bikram and Jim Kallett. Our staff is pretty amazing as well. A lot of drama has been going down in the yoga room this week and they are really on top of making sure that the people who really need help get it and that the people who need to just get through it get through it. The arid desert air is making it so that not as many people are throwing up as Acapulco. They keep telling us how lucky we are!

I'm so TIRED, but we have CPR training today (Saturday) for two hours. It's now required of all BYTT'ers to be certified at training, and it's an additional expense ($40). That didn't go over so well with everyone, but Bikram explained that it's a condition of the new Franchise agreement that we must all be and maintain CPR certification. I was certified when I went to massage school, but that was a really long time ago. Anyway, it's a good thing to know- how to save people's lives.


Jim Kallett shared an amazing quote that he transcribed from a Shiva temple that he visited in India. He had written it down in haste and was amazed when he took the time to really let the words sink in later on:

"When one has become successful in asana, then pranayama (the regulation of inhalation and exhalation) is perfected, the veil that hides illumination is lifted and the mind becomes fit for meditation, then the senses come under your control"

In other words, don't worry about your Kundalini, don't worry about Nirvana...just LOCK YOUR KNEE and breathe :)

I'm feeling lonely...come soon

This, as any of you who have gone to training, is one of Bikram's songs from his CD, "Love". At the end of each class that Bikram teaches we listen to one of his musical creations. It's pretty hillarious. Mostly, you are so beat down from the class that you wouldn't even think of moving, so it gives us a nice, long final savasana (final resting pose). The music is pretty cheesey, but quintessential Bikram. A little sappy, but very genuine- completely from the heart. The truth is that he is really a caring person and he gives himself completely to us during the Teacher Trainings. Even when I am swearing at him in my head when he is about to show us a movie at midnight, or when he's calling someone out in the same color I am wearing ("Miss Blue, what the f*ck are you doing?"), I still really respect how much he gives us while we're here. He gives us his full attention (I, for example, zoned out for over half of the Half Moon recitations) and is totally present for US. It's pretty awesome.

This week's morning classes have been with Emmy and I kid you not when I say, this woman lives to kick our asses. Oh my good Lord, she doesn't mess around! She wanders around the room, so you never know where she is or when she's going to pounce on you. Even still, she is an amazing teacher with so much knowledge of this yoga and the proper execution, benefits, etc. Mostly, she's a 80+ year old, Latvian ass kicker. I don't usually practice in the mornings at home because I'm so stiff and it depresses me. Here I have no choice. Add the daily Emmy beat down to that and after morning class I am a bit low.

As with everything here, though, the next moment I am laughing hysterically with my friends, or finally fed and hydrated and feeling great again. The afternoon classes tend to wipe away the memory of your horrible morning class and leave you floating out of class and onto dinner. After that you have lecture and you fear the midnight showing of Bollywood films. It's a roller-coaster, but it's 100% amazing.

There are a few moms who have their kids here and whenever I see them, I miss Sadie so much. I talk to her everyday and she's doing great with Daddy & Razzy and me being here doing this on my own is such a rare opportunity. I'm so grateful.

All in all, I'm still doing OK. I miss home sometimes, I hate the lectures sometimes (the lecture tent is sweltering hot, the chairs are SO uncomfortable and we have to sign in and out to go to the bathroom), I have horrible yoga classes sometimes and other times I feel like I need to pinch myself because I still can't believe I'm here. I am trying to stay present for all of it!

Week One- One and Done

I'm amazed that week one is behind us. It went by pretty quickly, although some moments never seemed to end (like that horrible movie or listening to every single yogi recite Half Moon). I've already had my first breakdown (brought on by said movie) and a pretty good taste of sleep deprivation's effects on my moods (scary). On the flip side, I'm just so thrilled to be here. It just feels so right, all of it.

The beginning of the week the heat wasn't really cranking and people were grumbling about it. I knew that there was no way that the conditions in the room were going to stay like that. At certain classes Monday- Thursday I could actually feel a breeze coming through the walls of the tent. All that ended yesterday. They seem to have found the thermometer and the room is officially a torture chamber. Last night's class I was right in front of Bikram and it was HOT. Not only HOT, but HUMID. It was the first day that people starting heading for the exits, sitting out postures and basically getting annihilated. I think the only reason we made it through was A. Bikram was teaching and B. we all knew we had the night off and only one more class until our weekend. It was what TT stories are made of. My beet red face didn't return to it's natural color for at least an hour afterwards. I came back home, made myself some dinner, got in the Jacuzzi, came home and passed OUT at 9:30pm. Waking up for 8am class this morning was a problem, but after having completed all 10 required yoga classes this week my body is feeling amazing. I have never felt more squarely IN my body than I do right now.

It's amazing how they really push you to your limits here and just when you think you have had it, just when you are questioning why the hell you are here- they give you the night off or it's Saturday and you have your weekend. It's pretty amazing when you "think of it". My breakdown on Thursday all centered around not having control. I was SO tired from the previous night's movie extravaganza and I couldn't understand why no one seemed to mind that we were going to kept up until the wee hours again. I wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. I couldn't even focus on the lecture because I was nodding off. I was so angry, frustrated, you name it. I got myself a spot on the floor, laid down to watch the movie and I just cracked open. The angry lump in my throat gave way to tears and sobbing and snot running down my face. Needing a tissue, I went to the back of the room and asked a staff member if she had any. When she saw I was crying she just said "what's the matter? you ok?" the staff was amazing. I had a great one to one with another staff member who really talked me down. She reminded me that I was having a very sane reaction to an insane environment and encouraged me to keep going. I was so grateful.

Next morning was class with Rajashree and around Half Tortoise she started talking about crying and letting it all go. She told us that keeping it inside would only hurt us. That was all I needed for the floodgates to crack open. Then at the end of class she read "The Invitation" and that was pretty much it. Open sobbing on my mat. Boy did I feel GOOD for the rest of the day. Light as air, free as a bird! Carrying that around with me was doing me no good. All my anger and frustration was really just fear of not being in control of my environment and expressing it felt amazing.

This is the kind of stuff you hear about at TT and you just never know when it's going to happen to you. This experience is truly phenomenal and I am so completely grateful. I can't believe we are done with Week 1!

Worst. Movie. Ever.

It's been a great couple of days. Yesterday we had a class with Rajashree in the am, Half Moon posture clinic with Bikram in the afternoon, class with Bikram and then...it happened. Evening lecture started off pretty good. Bikram was talking to us about Yogic philosophies, which have interested me since I was a teenager. I actually studied the Bhagavad Gita when I was 16, so I was enjoying his lecture on "What is Yoga? Everything is Yoga". Then things took a horrible turn for the worse. At 11:45pm he announced we would be watching a movie. Now he'd referenced the Mahabarata in his lecture, so I was actually sort of interested to watch it (not at 11:45pm mind you, but whatever, the subject interests me). Then he put on what may be considered the largest waste of film ever made. It was a 4 hour epic Bollywood film. It was dreadful. I laughed, I cried, but it was nowhere near as good as Cats. Honestly, it was the real torture chamber. Four hours of yoga in a hot room I am OK with. Sleep deprivation via horrendous Bollywood films? I'm out. I tried to relate the whole thing back to his last point of his lecture "whoever can take away your peace, you are the loser" and "it is the mind over the matter" but somehow when my alarm went off after only getting 4 hours of sleep, I wasn't really caring what the lesson was!

Today was class with Raj in the am where I literally screamed at her in my head until we got to Triangle. At that point I was able to settle into my yoga class, that was half way over. Seriously, ask anyone in that class- she must have done 20 of Pranayama deep breathing in the first set.

Afternoon was MORE Half Moon posture clinic followed by a nice class with Bikram.

I have eaten dinner and am heading to evening lecture. Please say a prayer that we won't be forced to watch movies tonight. I need sleeeeeeeep.

Having a great time, wish you were here

Wow. Today is Day 2 and I am having an amazing experience so far. Yesterday we had some wonderful lectures from Rajashree, Jim Kallett and Bikram. We are learning so much- even in the first day- about yoga, ourselves and this path of teaching this yoga. Last night we had our first class with Bikram- it was amazing. He is so engaging, compassionate and funny! I love his class, even if it was 2 hours long :) The good news after class that was that we didn't have an evening lecture (even though he threatened to keep us up till 4am). I came back to a home cooked dinner from my dad and the whole night off! I got to talk to Sadie and everything. Great day!

This morning we had class with Rajashree. She was a little tough on us, but she is so lovely you hardly mind :) After class we had our lunch break and I said goodbye to my dad. He was such an amazing help driving me out here, helping me get my computer situation taken care of, grocery shopping for me...what a hero.

After lunch we had the introduction lecture and the beginning of presenting Half Moon in front of Bikram and all 320 students. I had made up my mind that I was going to go the first day back in Boston, so when they announced where to line up I jumped right up and got in line. I was a little nervous. Some people he loved, some he didn't. He gave wonderful constructive criticisms and I think people really learned from them. I went about 20th or so. I really nailed it. His comment was some along the lines of "see how each person is getting better and better listening to the critiques. That was beautiful!" after I managed a sheepish "thank you" he said "where are you from?" and I told him Boston and Manchester. It was amazing! I was walking on air!

I just got back from my first double class ever. It was pretty good. I was definitely tired and a little stiff, but it was doable. I'm going to survive! Hurray! The yoga tent isn't quite as hot as I thought it would be, but I'm sure it will be soon, so I'm enjoying the cooler classes for now. I think it's a good way to get used to everything. You know, before they lower the boom and it's hot as blazes in there.

I'm now hammering this out as I eat some dinner and before we head over to the evening lecture. It could be a long night.

I am so happy to be staying at Desert Falls. There are a few of us here and we are becoming like a little community of our own. We ride our bikes over to the classes and lectures and we're getting to know eachother. So far this experience is far beyond anything I could have hoped. I am having an amazing time.

Stay tuned.

Day One

Today has just been an amazing day. My dad and I got on the road to Palm Desert around 8:30am and made great time (an hour and 45 minutes), got all settled into the condo and went out to take care of a few things.

First was getting a new operating system for my mom's OLD iBook. It was running a really old version of Mac X and wasn't compatible with anything on the entire internet, so we thought we could upgrade it with the newest software. After picking that up at Mac Gallery, we headed over to Trader Joe's for a nice stock-up trip, then my dad dropped me off for sign-in and orientation and went back to deal with the computer.

I ran into almost all the yogis that know here after meeting a few new ones in line for sign-in. Basically we waited in line to give our name, get our lunch voucher, our Anatomy coloring book and BYTT binder. After that I had some time to kill, so I sat and read a little bit of the binder while giving Max the update.

The yoga room/tent is massive. It's the biggest one they have had yet. There are about 13 million heaters outside this thing. It's insane. It can fit 700 people and since we're 2 hours from L.A. it is feasible that we could have that many people here with visiting teachers, students and trainees. What?

At 3pm we sat in the auditorium outside the yoga room for a lovely introduction to Rajashree, the staff, Jim Kallett and Lynn Whitlow. Everyone's message was so wonderfully positive. Rajashree started off by telling us that as nervous as we are about how we will make it through, they all feel the same thing. To take it EASY, drink lots of water, enjoy our experience and ride the ups and down of this journey. Everyone always mentions how lovely Rajashree is and she didn't disappoint. She is graceful and delightful. We were told to be back at 10am tomorrow (no am yoga class), so it's a pretty easy first day.

After the orientation was over, I called my dad to pick me up and he tells me that the computer still isn't working. Crushed, I call the store where we bought the OS and they tell me to bring the computer to see if they can figure out why it isn't working. When we arrive and I plunk down the ancient G3 the salesperson looks at me with utter dismay and says that we'll just have to get our money back. This is my lowest low. The reason I need a computer is to keep in touch with Sadie via Skype so she doesn't forget who I am (kidding. sort of) and seeing my dillema this angel of a man decides to LOAN me a BRAND NEW iMac for the duration of my stay. Did I mention it is BRAND NEW?

Like everything else in preparation for this training, I am shown, once again, that I am completely taken care of, that this dream of mine is completely supported by the forces of the universe and that all I have to do is to show up for this amazing journey, stay present (thank you Lynn) and enjoy every moment.

5 Days

Honestly, it's surreal. In three days I will be getting on a plane to Los Angeles. I'll spend a few days with my family and friends before driving out to the Desert on Sunday morning. Hopefully we'll get there early enough to hit the grocery store and get things settled (unpacked, etc.) before orientation starts at 3pm. We don't have a yoga class until Monday afternoon, but I'm sure we'll have more lectures, overview, etc. Monday morning.

It's really happening. This goal that I have set for myself is really coming to pass. In 5 days I will stand with 200-300 other yogis and start the first of our 99 classes in 11 weeks with Pranayama- Deep Breathing (good for the lungs and respiratory system). Crazy.

I'm partially packed, I only have a few more to do's...it's really happening. I am going to Teacher Training. IN 5 DAYS!

Why Bikram?

People ask me this a lot. "Why can't you just do another training that is easier/closer/less time consuming/cheaper/etc.?" If you haven't tried Bikram you are likely to ask me that, if you have tried it, you know that no other form of yoga will do. From the moment I set foot in the torture chamber in Brooklyn Heights I knew I had found a style of yoga that I would practice for a lifetime. I knew almost instantly that I would go to Teacher Training, the culmination of that intention coming to pass in TWENTY DAYS is so overwhelming and delightful, I can hardly stand it. In fact, the idea that this goal of mine is being realized that soon makes me alternately thrilled and terrified (as mentioned in the post below). The last few days I've been on the thrilled side of things. Mentally (and physically) preparing, making lists, practicing, learning dialogue...getting READY. I have been getting some awesome advice from currently certified teachers about TT, here are a few nuggets:

"The program is entirely by design. It's designed to make you a little crazy. Go with it."
"Don't push yourself too hard in the beginning. The people who did that were absolutely dead by the end."
"Immerse yourself in the process, take this time for yourself, it will never be again!"
"Learn the dialogue!"

So, why Bikram Yoga and not some other form? Well, the heat for one. The heat does amazing things for your practice and enables you to safely stretch without worrying about injury. The entire series is tremendously safe. The postures themselves are not advanced, but you can take them to their full expression depending on your body that day. Every day is different, even though the postures are the same. I find that astounding. It's such a learning experience. You learn what to eat, when to eat, how much water to drink, how much sleep you need, how much stress effects you mentally and physically. It's truly like peering into the looking glass of your body, mind and spirit every day you practice. You see where you are at. Having a tough class? What did you eat last? How much sleep did you get? Are you stressed? Are you tired? Are you angry? It's fascinating and it never gets old. Or it hasn't for me in 7 years anyway. It's a reset button. It brings you back to square one. A very sweaty square one :)

Wait. What?

I leave for CA in three weeks. Three. I was playing with Sadie after her bath tonight and just started crying. I tried to just keep it inside, but tears were welling up in my eyes and spilling down my cheeks and Sadie said "why are you sad?". How do I answer that? I want her to have a positive association with me going to TT and I don't want her to know how anxious I am about leaving her, so I just said "I'm not sad, I'm happy". Ultimately, it's the truth. I am so happy that I am getting closer to my goal. Some days I just swell with gratitude as I visualize my life as a Bikram Yoga instructor and studio owner. It's so close and such a clear vision in my mind's eye and when I get a glimpse of my new life I am humbled. Ultimately, I am doing this to arrange my life around her, to be more present for her, to model a successful and fulfilled woman for her and to make health and wellness a part of her life forever.

That doesn't mean I won't be an absolute mess without her for 5 weeks.

I have been getting such great advice from teachers about TT. Here are a few choice nuggets:

"Enjoy Yourself" (novel concept)
"The whole program is by design. It is designed to make you a little crazy. Go with it."
"Get everything you can from Bikram. You aren't there to make friends, you are there to get your certificate and to learn everything you can from him."
"Don't try to impress the instructors with your practice, just do what you can to survive in the room"
"You will never be in a situation like training ever again. Immerse yourself in it."

Time is FLYING

It's almost April. April is when I leave for Palm Desert. WTF? I am officially freaking out here. I am overwhelmed and excited and terrified and annoyed all wrapped up into one. I'm am swinging from "I shouldn't do this" to "I can't wait to do this". Here are a few of the thoughts that go through my mind at any given moment:

How is someone like me who likes their alone time going to deal with 300+ people all the time?

How is someone like me who loves her sleep going to deal with sleep deprivation (again- I'm a mom, so trust me I KNOW sleep deprivation and how I get when I'm in the throes of it)?

How is someone like me who lives for her time with her daughter going to leave her for 5 weeks?

How is someone like me who only gets to practice four times a week going to endure 11 classes a week???

From what I'm hearing from past trainees, I just will. I am working on Standing Bow Pulling Pose now and am still on pace to have up to Triangle by the time I arrive at TT. The first few days everyone is reciting Half Moon in front of Bikram, so I hope to be in the first group that presents so that I can start moving ahead with the rest of the postures. I will use the weekends to move ahead to other postures and the breaks during the day to brush up on the ones I've already learned.

My other worry is hydration. I've been getting headaches after really hot classes lately and this concerns me. I need to drink more water before class, bring more water to class and have EmergenC and Cononut waters for after class. Those puke buckets will be looming large at the back of that room and they serve as a reminder to really make sure I'm taking care of myself during this experience.

Ugh. I'm scared.

42 Days

Wow. I can't believe that. 42 days. In less than 42 days, I will leave my husband and daughter for the longest time since either of them has been in my life and head out to CA! Crazy.

Preparation is going well. I presented Awkward yesterday, thank God. I'd prefer to just not think about that TWO PAGE posture anymore. Jeez. I had a hard time memorizing it because it's so LONG. Tomo says that everyone has that problem and to just brush up on it at training and to move onto Eagle. I've been looking through the rest of my dialogue and Awkward is the longest of all the postures, so I'm feeling good about getting through Eagle, Head to Knee, Standing Bow, Balancing Stick and Seperate Leg Stretching before I go. Then I have the week before I leave to get Triangle.

Doing more yoga is going well. I could even use a little more, but as I mentioned before, I don't want to burn out before I even get there and I think it's good that I'm craving it. The classes are still tough, don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling so good on the whole that it's worth it.

I love that I get to practice at a lot of different studios. This is all market research for me to determine what I like and what I don't for when I open my own studio. Someday. The Bikram website says that they aren't accepting any applications for studios "until further notice" which is a massive bummer, but I'm hoping that once they do I'll be ready. You have to teach for 6 months before you can apply, so maybe the timing will just work out? So far everything has worked out, so I'm going to just let that all go and "trust the process" ;)

Schedule at Training

So for those of you who think I'm going to be sitting in a softly lit room chanting OM and getting massages everyday, here is the daily schedule at training:

Monday - Friday
8:30am - 10:00am Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class
10:00am - 12:15pm Lunch Break
12:15pm - 4:30pm Posture Clinic/Lectures
4:30pm - 5:00pm Break to prepare for Class
5:00pm - 6:30pm Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class
6:30pm - 8:30pm Dinner Break
8:30pm -11:30pm* Posture Clinic/Lecture
*Certain lectures and events may continue past 11:30 p.m.

Note: In addition to the above schedule, study of anatomy and dialogue is a necessary component, typically executed before morning class, during lunch/dinner breaks, and/or after evening lecture, and on the weekends.

Saturday
8:00am - 9:30am Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class

Sunday
Day of Rest*
*An optional Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class is offered on Sunday morning.

Mandatory attendance is required at all classes, posture clinics and lectures to be a candidate for graduation.

Sound like fun? Yes, I realize that I am crazy :)

Getting Ready

So, I've been trying to practice a bit more lately. Four is really all I can do with work and Sadie, so I'm hoping I'll at least be in shape by the time Training rolls around. A lot of people are already doing doubles and taking class every day, but I'm a big believer in not burning my body out in advance of this major amount of work I'm about to ask it to do. I'm still trying to just get back to a level of practice that I was before I got pregnant in 2005.

I was lucky to practice through most of my pregnancy (I made it to 37 weeks before I just couldn't get in the hot room anymore) but after Sadie was born it became very difficult to get to class. I guess I had no idea that my maternity leave would largely be spent indoors just feeding my child, doing her laundry and trying to catch a nap every now and then. Then when I started back at work there was literally no time. I felt SO guilty about being away from Sadie during the day, that the idea of not getting every second I could with her was just unacceptable.

Slowly, I was able to carve out some time to get back to class. Slowly, my practice started to resemble my old practice and little by little, I started to make going to training a priority in my mind. As a matter of fact, I was ready to sign up for Spring 2008, when I got some devastating news- I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. In April of 2008, I had my Thyroid gland removed and in May of 2008, I had an ablation treatment with Radio Active Iodine. Although, it was a very scary time, I was in great hands and was determined more than ever to get moving on my dream of teaching and owning a Bikram Yoga studio. In January, I had some follow-up tests and everything came back looking good!

So, I'm trying to practice more, I'm working on dialogue and it's going really well. I'm up to Awkward now, so I will deliver that at the Boston studio on Sunday (and maybe Eagle if I can get them both memorized). I've had some amazing support from my job (they are letting me take a leave of absence), my family (they will bring Sadie out for the last half and watch her) and all the studios I practice at (Boston, Manchester, Portsmouth, North Shore, etc.). I am so amazed at how every thing seems to be working out like some sort of magical spell. I'm blown away and I'm ready to show up and stand front and center and say "Shannon Engelhardt, Manchester, NH & Boston, MA- Half Moon Pose with Hands to Feet Pose, Arta Chandrasana with Pada Hastasana. Everybody together..."

Well, I'm doing it!

Yes, after 6 long years of TALKING about doing it, I am FINALLY putting my money where my mouth is (or at least sending a big chunk of it to HQ) and heading to Palm Desert for Bikram Choudury's infamous Teacher Training. I'm still a little in shock about it all, but things are just lining up left and right and it's like the universe has completely taken over. I am along for the ride at this point. So far I've submitted my application online, gotten my medical waiver signed, booked my plane ticket, requested a leave of absence from work and tried to deal with the fact that I will be away from Sadie for 6 weeks at the very least. It's a tough one to wrap my mind around. How will I cope without seeing my little lovebug every day? I'm sure being busy from sun up to sun down (and sun back up?) will distract me, but I have not been away from her longer than 24 hours since she was born, so it will no doubt be very tough.

I am SO happy that they moved TT back to CA. One, I am from Los Angeles and it gives me a network of support nearby (2 hours by car, but that's closer than I am now)- I can see my friends and family on the weekends and whine to them about "why the hell did I want to do this?" and they can remind me. That is, if I can get out of bed :)

Two, it's easier to get Sadie out to see me. I'm hoping that she and Max can come out for at least the last two weeks. The idea of not seeing my baby for two whole months is so beyond comprehension to me, so it is essential that she is there for at least a portion of it and amazing that she will watch me graduate (and maybe show Bikram her Half Moon Pose)!

Three, although I would much prefer a beach location (yes, I am being picky at this point), I've always liked Palm Springs/Desert and the fact that I can go to a regular market, pharmacy, etc. nearby makes #2 easier and, I would assume, the whole experience easier in general.

So, that's it. I'm doing it. I am going to Teacher Training. I can't wait!