Week One- One and Done

I'm amazed that week one is behind us. It went by pretty quickly, although some moments never seemed to end (like that horrible movie or listening to every single yogi recite Half Moon). I've already had my first breakdown (brought on by said movie) and a pretty good taste of sleep deprivation's effects on my moods (scary). On the flip side, I'm just so thrilled to be here. It just feels so right, all of it.

The beginning of the week the heat wasn't really cranking and people were grumbling about it. I knew that there was no way that the conditions in the room were going to stay like that. At certain classes Monday- Thursday I could actually feel a breeze coming through the walls of the tent. All that ended yesterday. They seem to have found the thermometer and the room is officially a torture chamber. Last night's class I was right in front of Bikram and it was HOT. Not only HOT, but HUMID. It was the first day that people starting heading for the exits, sitting out postures and basically getting annihilated. I think the only reason we made it through was A. Bikram was teaching and B. we all knew we had the night off and only one more class until our weekend. It was what TT stories are made of. My beet red face didn't return to it's natural color for at least an hour afterwards. I came back home, made myself some dinner, got in the Jacuzzi, came home and passed OUT at 9:30pm. Waking up for 8am class this morning was a problem, but after having completed all 10 required yoga classes this week my body is feeling amazing. I have never felt more squarely IN my body than I do right now.

It's amazing how they really push you to your limits here and just when you think you have had it, just when you are questioning why the hell you are here- they give you the night off or it's Saturday and you have your weekend. It's pretty amazing when you "think of it". My breakdown on Thursday all centered around not having control. I was SO tired from the previous night's movie extravaganza and I couldn't understand why no one seemed to mind that we were going to kept up until the wee hours again. I wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. I couldn't even focus on the lecture because I was nodding off. I was so angry, frustrated, you name it. I got myself a spot on the floor, laid down to watch the movie and I just cracked open. The angry lump in my throat gave way to tears and sobbing and snot running down my face. Needing a tissue, I went to the back of the room and asked a staff member if she had any. When she saw I was crying she just said "what's the matter? you ok?" the staff was amazing. I had a great one to one with another staff member who really talked me down. She reminded me that I was having a very sane reaction to an insane environment and encouraged me to keep going. I was so grateful.

Next morning was class with Rajashree and around Half Tortoise she started talking about crying and letting it all go. She told us that keeping it inside would only hurt us. That was all I needed for the floodgates to crack open. Then at the end of class she read "The Invitation" and that was pretty much it. Open sobbing on my mat. Boy did I feel GOOD for the rest of the day. Light as air, free as a bird! Carrying that around with me was doing me no good. All my anger and frustration was really just fear of not being in control of my environment and expressing it felt amazing.

This is the kind of stuff you hear about at TT and you just never know when it's going to happen to you. This experience is truly phenomenal and I am so completely grateful. I can't believe we are done with Week 1!