Things that make you go hmmm...

I don't think TT and PMS are a good pair. Let me just say that right off the bat. I've been plenty irritable this week and, of course, here at TT there are plenty of things to get irritable about.

Monday started off seemingly fine, we had a wonderful morning class with Diane Ducharme. She's a great, great teacher and it's nice to hear a familiar voice at the podium that you know and love and trust. I am really hoping to get mentoring from her when I get back home. It's like we have our very own Posture Clinic lead right in our home town who willingly helps new teachers. You cannot beat that! Anyway, the class was great and I came home and made breakfast and was feeling fine, but as the day progressed I started to feel progressively more nauseous and headachey. I was guzzling water all day, coconut water, citrus fruits, but by 5pm it became clear to me that I was dehydrated. Yippppeeee! I sat out most of the 5pm class and came home for dinner and just felt awful. Luckily, my downstairs neighbor had some Pedialyte on hand and after about a half a bottle of that (blech) I started feeling better. That night I presented Eagle in Posture Clinic and it went fine considering I was all amped up on Pedialyte :)

Yesterday I was feeling better and we had a great class with Lynn in the am, lecture with Dr. T in the (hot as hell) tent when we found out that Bikram was back! I had mixed emotions upon seeing him. Yes, I missed his energy, but his late night lectures? Not so much. I seemed to catch up on my dehydration and was feeling pretty good for most of the day. We had some visiting teachers get up and introduce themselves and one said she was the "grumpy one in the back with her hoodie up" and that after she taught her first class she suddenly understood why they were being kept up all night to watch "Mahabarata". Um...I call bullshit. I'm getting really tired of the visiting teachers telling us about how wonderful this experience was and how it was the best time of their lives, etc. It's so annoying. Sure, now that you are done with it you can look back and say it was valuable and awesome, but I'd like to see you when you were going through it. Honestly, it's something that annoys me to NO END. Stop telling us how awesome it was for you, we don't really care! We are going through it right now, let us have our experience and when we're done we can erase all the late nights from our memories too. Ugh.

Anyway, after our afternoon class with John from the the Williamsburg, NYC studio we were told to be in lecture at 9:30pm. People were actually excited to not have posture clinic. You know, the whole reason we are actually here? To learn the dialogue? Anyway, after a 2.5 hour "lecture" about who knows what (topics ranged from his recent trip to Vegas to talking about the Mahabarata- just put the thing on alredy) he put the movie on. I couldn't tell you one thing about it. I was asleep.

Trust the process.

Week Three- you can't hurt me

Well, now that it's over at least. Week three was more ups and downs and UPS and DOWNS. We started Posture Clinics and Anatomy this week, so the heat is on. No pun intended. I am so glad that I studied the dialogue before I came here! I got up to Triangle (sort of, the last posture I presented at BY Boston was Balancing Stick and I learned Standing Seperated Leg Stretching and Triangle on my own) and I'm really hoping that we don't get past there until after our Anatomy test next Monday. At PC last night one of the leads was telling us that once things start picking up we'll be doing a posture a day. Hopefully we won't have Bikram here keeping us up alllll night long watching movies when that fun day arrives :) I think most groups have gotten through Awkward and are now on Eagle, which I have down solid. This is only 2 postures per week. It's not going to be like this for long.

So, I mentioned that Monday I had a less than exciting PC with Martha and that she taught a VERY long class the following day and I was not feeling it. Well, her class on Thursday night was UNBELIEVABLE. I am now completely in love with her! Ha. It's so funny how you literally change 180 degrees here within moments. She had a lot of poignant musical interludes in her class and this time she put them in our resting poses, so that her class actually ended on time :) At one point, in Full Locust, she started singing "Sweet Caroline" ("hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you!") and we all did the "Ba Ba Ba!"'s, it was unreal. The laughter in that room that night moved me to absolute tears. Thank you, Martha!

Tuesday night's class was taught by Jim and it looks like it's his last class with us. Boo :( I love Jim! It's kind of sad how we get all these amazing teachers here and then they have to go back to their lives and their studios. I get so attached to them! Tuesday night, I had PC with Mike from Chicago, but we were still getting through Backward Bending/Padahastasana, and I didn't get to deliver Awkward. His feedback was awesome. So positive and helpful. Even though I didn't feel ready to deliver Awkward, I had hoped I'd be able to anyway, just to get some feedback from him.

Wednesday night I had PC with Ren and I presented Awkward. I was pretty nervous (they like us to say "excited"- ha!) because I didn't have the posture 100%, but his energy really helped me to just get up there and do it and I was glad I did, he said he really liked it! Phew. I was definitely questioning myself after PC on Monday night, "maybe I'm not going to be any good at this, maybe I should just quit", etc., etc. , but after getting some positive feedback I was up and running again and ready to really do this thing! I already talked about the amazing teachers we had Wednesday. Thank God for them, really!

Thursday we had a great class from Pubali! She took some pictures from the podium and gave Allie and I a little shout out. Thursday was a great day, but that is when my nose started to get a little stuffy. I started throwing EmergenC at it and hoping it would just go away. I'm sure you can guess what happened? Thankfully, the cold didn't really take over until Friday afternoon, so I got to really enjoy PC with Val Thursday night (we STILL didn't get to Eagle and I really, really wanted to get feedback from her because she is AMAZING) and her class Friday morning. She started off the class dedicating it to the women who had left their children for these nine weeks to attend this training. She had me at "hello". By the end of class, while tearfully sharing her inspiring story of her Bikram Yoga journey, and talking about her daughter, I REALLY started to miss Sadie. Bad. I think letting that all out also opened the flood gates for this cold to run its course. With little, to no, defense against anything my body slowly began to succumb to this cold. Needless to say class and PC Friday night and class this morning were pretty miserable. I sat out postures, I left the room, it was bad. I wanted so badly to end the week strong, but I did the absolute best I could!

After class, I came back to the condo, ate some breakfast and passed OUT for two hours solid. I missed the Anatomy study group, which means I'll need to make some flash cards today at some point and get serious about this test on Monday. Blah. I just want to go back to bed! Being sick in a yoga class is really not a lot of fun. I had to really put my ego aside and just do what I can, not push it, sit out when I needed to and take it easy. Hard to do Week Three when I was feeling SO good in the middle of this week.

So, here at Yoga Bootcamp, it's all about ups and downs, ebbs and flows and trusting the process. When it seems impossible to do so, there is always someone there who can bring you up from the depths of despair with a kind word, a "how are you doing?", a hand on your shoulder or a look of sympathy because we all have to go through it in our own way. They use a lot of 12 step slogans here because so many that are attracted to this yoga are in the program. Addicts love routine and ritual and this yoga definitely had those components, but it's good for you! I've heard the following so far:

"Trust the process"
"The only way out is through"
"Don't leave before the miracle happens"

It's pretty cool hearing these familiar slogans. They put a smile on my face and help me to believe that I'm here for a reason.

I'm one-third of the way to being a Bikram Yoga teacher. All the visiting teachers keep throwing out Week 5 as the doozy...you mean I haven't already hit the wall? Sweet. Loving and missing all of you!

Hump Day

Usually around Wednesday is when I start feeling a little bit tired, a little bit homesick and a whole lot DONE. Somehow the Yoga fairies must have known this and decided to give me a great day. Our morning class was taught by Lynn Whitlow. Now, I have to say that Lynn has intimidated me from Day One here at training. She is very matter-of-fact and doesn't really mess around, she has owned four studios in the Bay area is obviously a great businesswoman and loves this yoga. Needless to say, she terrified me. Well, today she taught our morning class and WOW, it was awesome. It probably helped that she opened the door to get some air circulating in the room, but her dialogue was amazing, her delivery strong and directive and her voice so pleasing to the ear. Great, great class. She also stressed the importance of the dialogue with a story about one of her teacher's slip ups in class. I have actually taken class with that teacher before and heard the story, but still laughed heartily nonetheless. For all those who know the story, it's the one about the hands in Half Tortoise...

Next was our lecture with Dr. T. He really is such a great teacher and he loves to start off by loosening us up with jokes. They are mostly corny, but he's such a sweet and genuine guy, I still laugh. Today we reviewed the Muscular System and started talking about the Circulatory System (we covered Skeletal on Monday). This is going to be quite a test! There will be two tests of 50 questions each (100 total combined) and we'll need to get a 65 to pass. Time to make some flash cards!

At the break, I headed to the pool to run through Awkward a few times with Larissa & Iole. I am having a pretty tough time with this posture, so I don't think I'll go tonight in Posture Clinic unless I absolutely have to, and even then, I would wait until the very end of class. Part one is pretty good, part two is getting better...part three...I'd rather just not even talk about it. I had such a hard time with this posture when I was studying it back home to deliver at the Boston studio. Imagine if I hadn't memorized it before? Ugh, I shudder to think!

Our late afternoon class was taught by John Salvatore. I have taken his class in Boston when he visited and I just love him. He is EXACTLY what we needed today. He was positive, funny, motivating and just what the doctor ordered. Also, I was in line 8, by the right side doors and was pretty happy over there. All in all, a great day here at Yoga Bootcamp.

Notice I am blogging and NOT working on Awkward? Hmmm. Better get back to studying. Miss and love you all!

First Posture Clinic

Yesterday we started our Anatomy lectures with Dr. T. and our Posture Clinics. The morning class was taught by Ren, who was a very nice and light way to start our week. Lots of humor, but a nice solid class (amazing what a little sleep will do for your practice!). We started our Anatomy lecture series on the Skeletal system. We sort of went through pages in our books and marked what we need to study for the test. We'll have two tests, 50 questions each, one each week. You need a 70 to pass.

We got kept a while over so it was pretty much a quick phone call home in the A/C and then to sign in for class. We're now doing line rotations, and my group was in line 3. The class last night was so freaking hot. By the floor series I could barely peel myself off my mat. People were leaving left and right, sitting out postures, etc. I definitely came out of a few postures early, it was just so oppressive. They are telling us that in Acapulco they had about 70% humidity almost every day so people were really struggling with Electrolyte balance and that here, in Palm Desert, that we need to be concerned about our fluid intake because the air is so dry it just sucks all the moisture out of our bodies. Great. I've been drinking upwards of 5 Liters a day, plus my liquid electrolytes after each class and I still felt a little parched last night in posture clinic.

Speaking of which, it went OK. It wasn't what I'd hoped. The visiting teacher didn't give me a ton of information. She said she liked the beginning and the end, but the middle sounded like a flight attendant giving the pre-flight announcement. OK...whatever. All I know is that I presented the first day, so now I have a few days to get the first part of Awkward brushed up on and I'll have to use this weekend to scoot ahead to the postures I haven't even touched yet. It's definitely more easy to brush up on postures you've already learned than to learn from scratch. Anyway, the first posture clinic was just sort of "meh", I didn't feel that surge of energy like I did when I presented Half Moon to Bikram and wasn't all excited about teaching this yoga like that day. Oh well. Hopefully, I will have more encouraging feedback as I go along. Blah.

I'm off to class shortly, followed by lecture, followed by another class and followed by posture clinic. At least this week we're getting to bed earlier!

Week Two

Well, Week 2 is done and I can definitely say I'm not sad to see it pass. We've had some pretty brutal tests of mental and physical strengths this week and everyone is getting challenged in their own ways. My challenge is dealing the the sleep deprivation. When I don't sleep I become EXTREMELY irritable and those of you who know me also know that being around me when I'm irritable isn't very fun. Add to this four hours of yoga, 300+ people, a sweltering hot lecture tent (during the day) for 3 hours, a freezing lecture tent (how did they do that?) in the evening for God knows how many hours and tack on sleeping on a concrete floor while a Hindi movie that is supposed to be changing my life is BLARING in my ears and you get one irritated little Yogini. What is crazy about this is that I knew about the movies and the late nights and all the yoga, but nothing prepares you for it when you are smack dab in the middle of it. Nothing. Even though you know that it's a test of your will, that you will survive it and that there has to be a point to it, in the moment you can't for the life of you think of what that point might be. It's tough. Thankfully, Bikram left this week and won't be back until the 18th, so we're movie-free for a week and a half or so- YAY!

We've also finished with Half Moon and start breaking into our Posture Clinic Groups on Monday. We also start Anatomy/Physiology on Monday, so things may start getting kind of crazy around here pretty soon. I'm so happy that I pretty much have up to Triangle right now and I can just brush up on those while we're also doing the Anatomy stuff. Phew! I'm also hoping some of my anatomy that I learned in massage school (many moons ago) might return to my brain? It could happen.

We've had some great lectures this week from Emmy, Bikram and Jim Kallett. Our staff is pretty amazing as well. A lot of drama has been going down in the yoga room this week and they are really on top of making sure that the people who really need help get it and that the people who need to just get through it get through it. The arid desert air is making it so that not as many people are throwing up as Acapulco. They keep telling us how lucky we are!

I'm so TIRED, but we have CPR training today (Saturday) for two hours. It's now required of all BYTT'ers to be certified at training, and it's an additional expense ($40). That didn't go over so well with everyone, but Bikram explained that it's a condition of the new Franchise agreement that we must all be and maintain CPR certification. I was certified when I went to massage school, but that was a really long time ago. Anyway, it's a good thing to know- how to save people's lives.


Jim Kallett shared an amazing quote that he transcribed from a Shiva temple that he visited in India. He had written it down in haste and was amazed when he took the time to really let the words sink in later on:

"When one has become successful in asana, then pranayama (the regulation of inhalation and exhalation) is perfected, the veil that hides illumination is lifted and the mind becomes fit for meditation, then the senses come under your control"

In other words, don't worry about your Kundalini, don't worry about Nirvana...just LOCK YOUR KNEE and breathe :)

I'm feeling lonely...come soon

This, as any of you who have gone to training, is one of Bikram's songs from his CD, "Love". At the end of each class that Bikram teaches we listen to one of his musical creations. It's pretty hillarious. Mostly, you are so beat down from the class that you wouldn't even think of moving, so it gives us a nice, long final savasana (final resting pose). The music is pretty cheesey, but quintessential Bikram. A little sappy, but very genuine- completely from the heart. The truth is that he is really a caring person and he gives himself completely to us during the Teacher Trainings. Even when I am swearing at him in my head when he is about to show us a movie at midnight, or when he's calling someone out in the same color I am wearing ("Miss Blue, what the f*ck are you doing?"), I still really respect how much he gives us while we're here. He gives us his full attention (I, for example, zoned out for over half of the Half Moon recitations) and is totally present for US. It's pretty awesome.

This week's morning classes have been with Emmy and I kid you not when I say, this woman lives to kick our asses. Oh my good Lord, she doesn't mess around! She wanders around the room, so you never know where she is or when she's going to pounce on you. Even still, she is an amazing teacher with so much knowledge of this yoga and the proper execution, benefits, etc. Mostly, she's a 80+ year old, Latvian ass kicker. I don't usually practice in the mornings at home because I'm so stiff and it depresses me. Here I have no choice. Add the daily Emmy beat down to that and after morning class I am a bit low.

As with everything here, though, the next moment I am laughing hysterically with my friends, or finally fed and hydrated and feeling great again. The afternoon classes tend to wipe away the memory of your horrible morning class and leave you floating out of class and onto dinner. After that you have lecture and you fear the midnight showing of Bollywood films. It's a roller-coaster, but it's 100% amazing.

There are a few moms who have their kids here and whenever I see them, I miss Sadie so much. I talk to her everyday and she's doing great with Daddy & Razzy and me being here doing this on my own is such a rare opportunity. I'm so grateful.

All in all, I'm still doing OK. I miss home sometimes, I hate the lectures sometimes (the lecture tent is sweltering hot, the chairs are SO uncomfortable and we have to sign in and out to go to the bathroom), I have horrible yoga classes sometimes and other times I feel like I need to pinch myself because I still can't believe I'm here. I am trying to stay present for all of it!

Week One- One and Done

I'm amazed that week one is behind us. It went by pretty quickly, although some moments never seemed to end (like that horrible movie or listening to every single yogi recite Half Moon). I've already had my first breakdown (brought on by said movie) and a pretty good taste of sleep deprivation's effects on my moods (scary). On the flip side, I'm just so thrilled to be here. It just feels so right, all of it.

The beginning of the week the heat wasn't really cranking and people were grumbling about it. I knew that there was no way that the conditions in the room were going to stay like that. At certain classes Monday- Thursday I could actually feel a breeze coming through the walls of the tent. All that ended yesterday. They seem to have found the thermometer and the room is officially a torture chamber. Last night's class I was right in front of Bikram and it was HOT. Not only HOT, but HUMID. It was the first day that people starting heading for the exits, sitting out postures and basically getting annihilated. I think the only reason we made it through was A. Bikram was teaching and B. we all knew we had the night off and only one more class until our weekend. It was what TT stories are made of. My beet red face didn't return to it's natural color for at least an hour afterwards. I came back home, made myself some dinner, got in the Jacuzzi, came home and passed OUT at 9:30pm. Waking up for 8am class this morning was a problem, but after having completed all 10 required yoga classes this week my body is feeling amazing. I have never felt more squarely IN my body than I do right now.

It's amazing how they really push you to your limits here and just when you think you have had it, just when you are questioning why the hell you are here- they give you the night off or it's Saturday and you have your weekend. It's pretty amazing when you "think of it". My breakdown on Thursday all centered around not having control. I was SO tired from the previous night's movie extravaganza and I couldn't understand why no one seemed to mind that we were going to kept up until the wee hours again. I wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. I couldn't even focus on the lecture because I was nodding off. I was so angry, frustrated, you name it. I got myself a spot on the floor, laid down to watch the movie and I just cracked open. The angry lump in my throat gave way to tears and sobbing and snot running down my face. Needing a tissue, I went to the back of the room and asked a staff member if she had any. When she saw I was crying she just said "what's the matter? you ok?" the staff was amazing. I had a great one to one with another staff member who really talked me down. She reminded me that I was having a very sane reaction to an insane environment and encouraged me to keep going. I was so grateful.

Next morning was class with Rajashree and around Half Tortoise she started talking about crying and letting it all go. She told us that keeping it inside would only hurt us. That was all I needed for the floodgates to crack open. Then at the end of class she read "The Invitation" and that was pretty much it. Open sobbing on my mat. Boy did I feel GOOD for the rest of the day. Light as air, free as a bird! Carrying that around with me was doing me no good. All my anger and frustration was really just fear of not being in control of my environment and expressing it felt amazing.

This is the kind of stuff you hear about at TT and you just never know when it's going to happen to you. This experience is truly phenomenal and I am so completely grateful. I can't believe we are done with Week 1!