5 Days

Honestly, it's surreal. In three days I will be getting on a plane to Los Angeles. I'll spend a few days with my family and friends before driving out to the Desert on Sunday morning. Hopefully we'll get there early enough to hit the grocery store and get things settled (unpacked, etc.) before orientation starts at 3pm. We don't have a yoga class until Monday afternoon, but I'm sure we'll have more lectures, overview, etc. Monday morning.

It's really happening. This goal that I have set for myself is really coming to pass. In 5 days I will stand with 200-300 other yogis and start the first of our 99 classes in 11 weeks with Pranayama- Deep Breathing (good for the lungs and respiratory system). Crazy.

I'm partially packed, I only have a few more to do's...it's really happening. I am going to Teacher Training. IN 5 DAYS!

Why Bikram?

People ask me this a lot. "Why can't you just do another training that is easier/closer/less time consuming/cheaper/etc.?" If you haven't tried Bikram you are likely to ask me that, if you have tried it, you know that no other form of yoga will do. From the moment I set foot in the torture chamber in Brooklyn Heights I knew I had found a style of yoga that I would practice for a lifetime. I knew almost instantly that I would go to Teacher Training, the culmination of that intention coming to pass in TWENTY DAYS is so overwhelming and delightful, I can hardly stand it. In fact, the idea that this goal of mine is being realized that soon makes me alternately thrilled and terrified (as mentioned in the post below). The last few days I've been on the thrilled side of things. Mentally (and physically) preparing, making lists, practicing, learning dialogue...getting READY. I have been getting some awesome advice from currently certified teachers about TT, here are a few nuggets:

"The program is entirely by design. It's designed to make you a little crazy. Go with it."
"Don't push yourself too hard in the beginning. The people who did that were absolutely dead by the end."
"Immerse yourself in the process, take this time for yourself, it will never be again!"
"Learn the dialogue!"

So, why Bikram Yoga and not some other form? Well, the heat for one. The heat does amazing things for your practice and enables you to safely stretch without worrying about injury. The entire series is tremendously safe. The postures themselves are not advanced, but you can take them to their full expression depending on your body that day. Every day is different, even though the postures are the same. I find that astounding. It's such a learning experience. You learn what to eat, when to eat, how much water to drink, how much sleep you need, how much stress effects you mentally and physically. It's truly like peering into the looking glass of your body, mind and spirit every day you practice. You see where you are at. Having a tough class? What did you eat last? How much sleep did you get? Are you stressed? Are you tired? Are you angry? It's fascinating and it never gets old. Or it hasn't for me in 7 years anyway. It's a reset button. It brings you back to square one. A very sweaty square one :)

Wait. What?

I leave for CA in three weeks. Three. I was playing with Sadie after her bath tonight and just started crying. I tried to just keep it inside, but tears were welling up in my eyes and spilling down my cheeks and Sadie said "why are you sad?". How do I answer that? I want her to have a positive association with me going to TT and I don't want her to know how anxious I am about leaving her, so I just said "I'm not sad, I'm happy". Ultimately, it's the truth. I am so happy that I am getting closer to my goal. Some days I just swell with gratitude as I visualize my life as a Bikram Yoga instructor and studio owner. It's so close and such a clear vision in my mind's eye and when I get a glimpse of my new life I am humbled. Ultimately, I am doing this to arrange my life around her, to be more present for her, to model a successful and fulfilled woman for her and to make health and wellness a part of her life forever.

That doesn't mean I won't be an absolute mess without her for 5 weeks.

I have been getting such great advice from teachers about TT. Here are a few choice nuggets:

"Enjoy Yourself" (novel concept)
"The whole program is by design. It is designed to make you a little crazy. Go with it."
"Get everything you can from Bikram. You aren't there to make friends, you are there to get your certificate and to learn everything you can from him."
"Don't try to impress the instructors with your practice, just do what you can to survive in the room"
"You will never be in a situation like training ever again. Immerse yourself in it."

Time is FLYING

It's almost April. April is when I leave for Palm Desert. WTF? I am officially freaking out here. I am overwhelmed and excited and terrified and annoyed all wrapped up into one. I'm am swinging from "I shouldn't do this" to "I can't wait to do this". Here are a few of the thoughts that go through my mind at any given moment:

How is someone like me who likes their alone time going to deal with 300+ people all the time?

How is someone like me who loves her sleep going to deal with sleep deprivation (again- I'm a mom, so trust me I KNOW sleep deprivation and how I get when I'm in the throes of it)?

How is someone like me who lives for her time with her daughter going to leave her for 5 weeks?

How is someone like me who only gets to practice four times a week going to endure 11 classes a week???

From what I'm hearing from past trainees, I just will. I am working on Standing Bow Pulling Pose now and am still on pace to have up to Triangle by the time I arrive at TT. The first few days everyone is reciting Half Moon in front of Bikram, so I hope to be in the first group that presents so that I can start moving ahead with the rest of the postures. I will use the weekends to move ahead to other postures and the breaks during the day to brush up on the ones I've already learned.

My other worry is hydration. I've been getting headaches after really hot classes lately and this concerns me. I need to drink more water before class, bring more water to class and have EmergenC and Cononut waters for after class. Those puke buckets will be looming large at the back of that room and they serve as a reminder to really make sure I'm taking care of myself during this experience.

Ugh. I'm scared.

42 Days

Wow. I can't believe that. 42 days. In less than 42 days, I will leave my husband and daughter for the longest time since either of them has been in my life and head out to CA! Crazy.

Preparation is going well. I presented Awkward yesterday, thank God. I'd prefer to just not think about that TWO PAGE posture anymore. Jeez. I had a hard time memorizing it because it's so LONG. Tomo says that everyone has that problem and to just brush up on it at training and to move onto Eagle. I've been looking through the rest of my dialogue and Awkward is the longest of all the postures, so I'm feeling good about getting through Eagle, Head to Knee, Standing Bow, Balancing Stick and Seperate Leg Stretching before I go. Then I have the week before I leave to get Triangle.

Doing more yoga is going well. I could even use a little more, but as I mentioned before, I don't want to burn out before I even get there and I think it's good that I'm craving it. The classes are still tough, don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling so good on the whole that it's worth it.

I love that I get to practice at a lot of different studios. This is all market research for me to determine what I like and what I don't for when I open my own studio. Someday. The Bikram website says that they aren't accepting any applications for studios "until further notice" which is a massive bummer, but I'm hoping that once they do I'll be ready. You have to teach for 6 months before you can apply, so maybe the timing will just work out? So far everything has worked out, so I'm going to just let that all go and "trust the process" ;)

Schedule at Training

So for those of you who think I'm going to be sitting in a softly lit room chanting OM and getting massages everyday, here is the daily schedule at training:

Monday - Friday
8:30am - 10:00am Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class
10:00am - 12:15pm Lunch Break
12:15pm - 4:30pm Posture Clinic/Lectures
4:30pm - 5:00pm Break to prepare for Class
5:00pm - 6:30pm Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class
6:30pm - 8:30pm Dinner Break
8:30pm -11:30pm* Posture Clinic/Lecture
*Certain lectures and events may continue past 11:30 p.m.

Note: In addition to the above schedule, study of anatomy and dialogue is a necessary component, typically executed before morning class, during lunch/dinner breaks, and/or after evening lecture, and on the weekends.

Saturday
8:00am - 9:30am Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class

Sunday
Day of Rest*
*An optional Bikram’s Beginner’s Yoga Class is offered on Sunday morning.

Mandatory attendance is required at all classes, posture clinics and lectures to be a candidate for graduation.

Sound like fun? Yes, I realize that I am crazy :)

Getting Ready

So, I've been trying to practice a bit more lately. Four is really all I can do with work and Sadie, so I'm hoping I'll at least be in shape by the time Training rolls around. A lot of people are already doing doubles and taking class every day, but I'm a big believer in not burning my body out in advance of this major amount of work I'm about to ask it to do. I'm still trying to just get back to a level of practice that I was before I got pregnant in 2005.

I was lucky to practice through most of my pregnancy (I made it to 37 weeks before I just couldn't get in the hot room anymore) but after Sadie was born it became very difficult to get to class. I guess I had no idea that my maternity leave would largely be spent indoors just feeding my child, doing her laundry and trying to catch a nap every now and then. Then when I started back at work there was literally no time. I felt SO guilty about being away from Sadie during the day, that the idea of not getting every second I could with her was just unacceptable.

Slowly, I was able to carve out some time to get back to class. Slowly, my practice started to resemble my old practice and little by little, I started to make going to training a priority in my mind. As a matter of fact, I was ready to sign up for Spring 2008, when I got some devastating news- I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. In April of 2008, I had my Thyroid gland removed and in May of 2008, I had an ablation treatment with Radio Active Iodine. Although, it was a very scary time, I was in great hands and was determined more than ever to get moving on my dream of teaching and owning a Bikram Yoga studio. In January, I had some follow-up tests and everything came back looking good!

So, I'm trying to practice more, I'm working on dialogue and it's going really well. I'm up to Awkward now, so I will deliver that at the Boston studio on Sunday (and maybe Eagle if I can get them both memorized). I've had some amazing support from my job (they are letting me take a leave of absence), my family (they will bring Sadie out for the last half and watch her) and all the studios I practice at (Boston, Manchester, Portsmouth, North Shore, etc.). I am so amazed at how every thing seems to be working out like some sort of magical spell. I'm blown away and I'm ready to show up and stand front and center and say "Shannon Engelhardt, Manchester, NH & Boston, MA- Half Moon Pose with Hands to Feet Pose, Arta Chandrasana with Pada Hastasana. Everybody together..."